I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
