Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
