i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
