she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
