What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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