Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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