she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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