ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
