I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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