The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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