Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
they're like a gay fantastic four
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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