I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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