I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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