So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
