How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
