D3 body, D1 cock
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
