Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
