I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
and she was petting her beer can
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
