nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
