we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Who wears a wallet chain?!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
