my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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