you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
