I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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