yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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