i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
