Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You may now shotgun with the bride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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