Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
