hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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