I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
