So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
