my phone needs a breathalizer
My balls are so social today.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
