I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
it's like iHOP with fire
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
