it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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