youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
