Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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