if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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