If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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