I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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