I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
