Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
And then my night got REAL pukey
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
