can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
