That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
