so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
