I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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