but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
