Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i was born a porn star she said
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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