Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
