Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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