I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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