the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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