I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
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