I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
