Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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