If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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