If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
