I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
