PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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