if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
