mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
