Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
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Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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