They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
