when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
