I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
