yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
