I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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