Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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