I hate all girls vehemently.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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