Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Someone signed my nipple.
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