i would punch a child for taco bell
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
