I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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