As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
