return my video game
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
