oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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