I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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