hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
