This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
