soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
